Continuing coverage from the wrong coast.  Tonight's festivities...the awards banquet, the "New Manager Dance," all the pomp and circumstance have me in a nostalgic mood, but with few words to describe the feeling.   Lots of feelings, having come full circle back to the national meeting this time as a store manager, having earned my seat at the table.

A major tradition, a source of pride, humor, and many fond memories is the annual and aforementioned "New Manager Dance." As the name implies, all the newly arrived members of our fraternity mount a fully choreographed, often costumed, usually humorous musical number to the delight of the rest of the company. This year...my dance year....was different. But with lyrics courtesy of the Traveling Wilburys, it sums up well both where I am in my life with this career and in the bigger picture.

...and no...this is not a song about loneliness at all.

Handle With Care

Been beat up and battered 'round
Been sent up, and I've been shot down
You're the best thing that I've ever found
Handle me with care

Reputations changeable
Situations tolerable
But baby, you're adorable
Handle me with care

I'm so tired of being lonely
I still have some love to give
Won't you show me that you really care

Everybody's got somebody to lean on
Put your body next to mine, and dream on

I've been fobbed off, and I've been fooled
I've been robbed and ridiculed
In day care centers and night schools
Handle me with care

Been stuck in airports, terrorized
Sent to meetings, hypnotized
Overexposed, commercialized
Handle me with care

I'm so tired of being lonely
I still have some love to give
Won't you show me that you really care

Everybody's got somebody to lean on
Put your body next to mine, and dream on

I've been uptight and made a mess
But I'll clean it up myself, I guess
Oh, the sweet smell of success
Handle me with care

-Traveling Wilbury's

I've always had a sense of being removed from my family; for 30 years it has shaped every decision I make. As a child there were many daydreams that I had in fact been born into the wrong family....adopted...left on the doorstep by gypsies. The list goes on.

As I grew older, I had an irrepressible urge to change my last name, which was only made worse by the passing of my maternal grandmother, the single most influential person in my life.  There are no male heirs to the family name.  My grandmother had three daughters only; I am the only child of my generation. 

There was more at work though, than a simple desire to preserve my grandmother's legacy. I have long been saddled with a deep seeded rejection of the values of my father's family; status symbols, material accumulation, one-up-manship. The S- clan is built on show and the trappings of wealth. There is little substance to discuss.

Weddings bring out the best and most especially the worst in some people. For Alexis and I,  our wedding represented a chance to exhibit grace under fire. It's an old fashioned thought, but I almost felt as if it would be unlucky to start our life together with any sour notes. And despite all that the S's could dish out....temper tantrums,  no shows, posturing...we made them feel welcome and embraced. 

Not everybody sees a wedding with such anachronistic sentimentality. Even my sadly low expectations were rattled by the behavior of the S-clan this past weekend at the second S-family wedding of the year.  I could never have seated an uncle or cousin with the un-wanted, hardly familiar guests. But walking into my own home to find a stripper doing a dollar dance on my coffee table couldn't be more surprising than what actually happened. My father, mother, and siblings found themselves cast out at the farthest table possible. Where other relatives were introduced with pomp and circumstances, my corner of the S-family found themselves in...the corner.

I'm ashamed of the callous way that my father has been treated...it's not a new thing, I've had 30 years to grow accustomed to it.  I've spent my life in fear of growing up to be like my father, and when our wedding included yet another S-family melodrama, I assumed I had inherited my share of the untouchability that has plagued him as long as I can remember. But nothing could have prepared me for how he was treated this weekend. I'm ashamed of that not one of them will have but a passing worry of the damage they have done.

It comes into sharp relief when I compare to the wedding I attended myself this weekend. Laurel and Brian treated Alexis and I like we were there own blood. Seated only a modest SHOUT away from the bridal table, sharing smiles and laughs and curious coincidence of how we each found our perfect mate for life. At a wedding where we would have merritted the corner table...we were at the head of the feast.

So many lessons learned about love, respect, and above all...family. I was raised by four outstanding woman to whom I owe every good thing I have in my life now.  And in my heart...whatever the social security may say...I'm a Bassett. I hope that I can maintain the dignity and humility that are their signature. I hope I can swallow the pride and anger and forgive. 

I'm sorry, Dad; you deserved world's better.

But in the wake of some doubt and angst about my career, some frustration over my musical pursuits, and almost five years of hiding my musicianship behind my retail name badge...I can say that I have experienced yet again...

Shakabuku.